Saigon Funnies

Open Late
They sure don't close early.

 

Electricians
The wires are a cobweb, but I'm not sure if the people are like the spiders, or the flies.

 

Offensive Cream
The fact that it probably reeks of menthol would explain the name.

 

Press
The button to flush this toilet is the size of the lid itself.

 

"Pork" Bun
It's so cute. I want to eat it, but I don't.

 

Bún Thịt Nướng

We had just pulled up plastic stools to the folding metal table. The lady who ran the place assembled our orders of bún thịt nướng. She set out green plastic soup bowls, lined the bottoms with handfuls of cripsy lettuce and fragrant basil, dropped heaping mounds of white, tender vermicelli noodles on top, then sprinkled pinches of green onion, toasted peanuts, and smoky grilled beef over the lot.

The lady who made our food was a serious sort who had had short hair, dyed to a black hue she might have had when she was 30 years younger. When she put the bowls in front of us, I was ready to make short work of it. Bún is ome of my favorite foods.

The way to eat bún is this. Pour a bowlful of garlicy-spicy-salty-sour nước mắm over the the pile. Mix the noodles, greens and meat like a tossed salad to coat with the sauce. Direct big bite-sized pinches towards mouth. Repeat.

I have on occasion seen people hold a chopstick in either hand when tossing a bowl of bún or other mixed foods. This way makes sense, because two utensils are quick to toss up a salad. So I decided to give the two-handed technique a whirl.

The lady who ran the place saw me with one chopstick in either hand. She pointed at my hands and asked a sharp question. Lu responded brightly, laughed a little, and told me the lady had asked if I knew how to use chopsticks.

This misunderstanding amused me. Feeling little devilish, I brought one of the chopsticks closeer to my eyes and scrutinized it, as if trying to find the power button.

The lady barked again. Lữ answered, almost apologetically, and the lady muttered something as she walked away. I looked up from my bowl, which I had been mixing with chopsticks in one hand, the proper way, I suppose. Lữ relayed the conversation.

"She said, are you sure he knows how to use those? I said yes, he does, he's just playing.

"And she said, if he's playing, I'm going to pull his ear."

An American idiom for fooling around is to pull someone's leg. For pulling the shopkeeper's leg, I nearly got my ear pulled in return. I guess that's only fair.

How We Got New York

"He who controls the spice, controls the universe."

Baron Vladimir Harkonnen
(Dune)

It all began with nutmeg and mace, the spices that come from the seeds of the nutmeg tree. Long ago, this tree grew exclusively on one of the Banda Islands in Indonesia, which was the world's only source for nutmeg and mace. This island is known as Run Island.

By the 1600s, Europe had become prosperous. Its demand for commodities and luxuries extended to spices of Southeast Asia. European appetites craved the exotic flavors and the preservative ability of spice, particularly fragrant nutmeg. With the introduction of oceanfaring ships, European traders launched fleets of large trading vessels bound for the Spice Islands of Indonesia to retrieve spices for the European market. Nutmeg, being the most rare, was also one of the most valuable. Much blood was shed in the effort to control Run Island.

Britain was first to claim Run Island as a colony, effectively giving Britain exclusive control over the nutmeg trade. The Dutch Republic challenged Britain's monopoly, seized the island, and expelled the British. Conflict over trade escalated into full out war.

Britain reclaimed title to Run Island after the First Anglo-Dutch War. But the Dutch refused to leave, and drove British traders away with the exception of a single year, in 1665, when the British had access to the spice, and more importantly, to the trees. Britain initiated the Second Anglo-Dutch War, which resolved with the Treaty of Breda. Britain ceded claim to Run Island to the Dutch Republic.

It appeared that the Dutch had received the better end of the bargain. The Dutch got to keep their monopoly on the nutmeg trade. But Britain had pulled a fast one. At some point, perhaps during their presence on Run Island in 1665, the British had transferred nutmeg trees to their other colonies. The British could then grow their own nutmeg for trade, and the Dutch monopoly on nutmeg was broken.

One more thing. In exchange for their claim on Run Island, the Dutch gave up their fort in the Americas. Perhaps the Dutch believed that the monopoly they thought they held on nutmeg would be many times more profitable than the American fur trade. So they abandoned Fort New Amsterdam, on an island at the mouth of the Hudson. Little were the Dutch to know that this place would soon be the primary gateway from Europe into what would soon be known as the United States.

Why they call New York the big apple, and not the big nutmeg, is another story.